Seasons of Grief
Let’s get serious for a bit.
About 11 months ago my wife and I separated, due to some irreconcilable differences. It was unexpected and it felt like my entire life had fallen apart - like everything that I’d thought I could count on was gone in a matter of weeks, leaving behind a ruined emotional landscape of my life.
I spent a lot of time dealing with that landscape, picturing it in my mind, trying to understand it, make sense of it. I’ve worked a lot to try and get past it, and a part of that treatment has been the arts - primarily writing, but I’ve also picked up the guitar again, I’ve danced more, I’ve taken to enjoying music more.
I felt I was making progress. That the steps I was taking were helping me deal with the change in a positive way. Yet in the past month, due to some other circumstances, it seems that I’ve slipped back into the same state of mind I was in way back in January - the songs have become sad, again, the dances angry and bitter.
It was really helpful for me to read about the Seasons of Grief in a fellow B5Media Blogger’s site. Not that my loss can be compared to that of a widow - but it helps to remember that if you have an emotional landscape, that landscape will have seasons, too. And if I am entering into a period of winter, I will simply borrow a page from my Pagan friends and use that as a time of reflection, of rest, and trust that eventually the sun will return.
I’d be interested to hear how the arts have helped you get through the hard times. For me, songs like Moby’s “Extreme Ways” and Imogen Heap’s “Hide & Seek” have been balm for the soul, and activities like contact improv dance.
What works for you?
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POSTED IN: Life in the Performing Arts
7 opinions for Seasons of Grief
Douglas Karr
Nov 6, 2007 at 8:45 am
When I separated (many moons ago), I went to counseling and my counselor did liken the event to a death. She made me understand that it’s the marriage that died - and with that comes all of the stages of grief associated with a person passing.
Best of luck to you. My only advise is that it takes much less energy to forgive, be nice, and move on. Anger, jealousy, etc. are simply things that rip you apart and take so much more out of you. My ex-wife and I have 2 kids together and we’re not friends - but we’re definitely not enemies, either.
We both hope each other is doing well and we’ve both moved on. Without the hurt and anger, things are so much easier. Let go, let God, and you’ll find yourself back on your feet in no time.
Anna
Nov 6, 2007 at 9:06 am
I smiled when I saw that you said a break up is not like a widows loss…because I think it is, in fact if unexpected can be worse as you still see them and yet cannot be with them. For me when I write it is about loss in general and I always remember a doctor saying to me ‘Allow yourself time. If your hand was broken you would wear a cast, your heart is broken and in the same way needs time to heal’ and that is so true…so keep smiling!
DDog
Nov 6, 2007 at 3:14 pm
I’ve written songs. My Livejournal used to get me through a lot but now I’m not in the right place to write in it for some reason. I bury myself in music whose beauty breaks my heart. I write poetry. Sometimes I just write, sometimes I tear it up afterwards. I’m not really a dancer but sometimes the world gives me music and I don’t have a choice.
Cherie
Nov 6, 2007 at 4:56 pm
I’m ok now, but I suffered a terrible series of losses–death of my husband, loss of my home, two cancers, mother with Alzheimer’s–and what saved me was dance.
And now I live in Buenos Aires and teach tango with my Argentine partner.
I’ve rebuilt my life, and I’m thankful and happy. But I still grieve.
Lady Fox
Nov 6, 2007 at 7:05 pm
Suzanne Vega.
I immerse myself in music. The song/artist can change, but if I find a moving, touching, heartrending, or any other type of amazing songs/artists, I turn it on, turn it up, and close my eyes and let it take me over.
Maria
Nov 6, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Dance is everything to me. On a small scale, when I’ve had a bad day, going to class is always the best cure, even if I don’t feel like it going in.
Literally hours prior to a performance I had an earthshatteringly horrible thing happen to me emotionally. At first I wondered how I was going to go on… how could I go through with the performance when this thing had happened to me? I resolved to challenge those emotions into the dance and in the end, I think I danced it better than I had ever danced that piece before.
Dana
Nov 10, 2007 at 4:33 pm
prayer is my cure all, with a little bit of singing…it use to be poetry but in the past few months I have been unable to write any at all, so I focus on music…
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