Fame or Famine

24601 - Who Am I? - Part 2

by Krissy Baker on August 3rd, 2005

More history

As an aside: I’m sorry for the length of time between posts, Fabulous Reader. I’m actually finding this fairly difficult to talk about. I thought I was through this and had found myself at last, but going back and looking at what got me where I am is proving a sticky mess. I keep having to walk away from this and yesterday I mysteriously deleted half of it. But I’ll get there, I swear, no matter what the opinions of my stupid brain.

If you’ll forgive me, I’m going to yadda yadda my Jr. High years. They weren’t pretty but they were functional and I landed the lead role in my school play. That was the start of recovery for me. The beginning of the slow, torturous crawl back to the land of the living.

I finally came into my own when we moved to Damascus, MD when I was 14 years old. I tried out for the High School production of Dracula and very nearly scored the role from a Senior, Kelly Phebus. Kelly came over to me when I was eating lunch the next day alone and sat down and said,”I thought I had that part in the bag. I didn’t think anyone could take it from me and you very nearly did. You MUST try out for every single thing you can. Wow.”

I think I left school that day with my ego audibly humming.

Taking Kelly’s advice to heart I tried out for everything. I was Jan in Grease, the Nurse in R&J. All-in-all I performed in 35 plays at that school over three years; the pinnacle of my high school career being the lead inThe Madwoman of Chaillot. My director got a letter from the Superintendent of Schools singing my praises for that role.

I also auditioned for the Young Actors ensemble at the Maryland Renaissance Festival and was cast along with 12 other teenagers(out of 120 auditioners). I worked the Fest for two years before leaving for College. I also did a Senior year internship at the Folger Shakespeare Library. For a kid of 16 and 17 I had a lot of places to be in the DC area, and knew a lot of the big names.

How many 15 year olds have held a first Folio? An original? Paged through it? And please don’t point out to me how few 15 year olds would get all geeky and turned on by holding a real first Folio.

It wasn’t unusual for me to be hailed at the local grocery store by someone who had followed my career. My life was nice and it was friendly. After an existence of being alone people not only knew who I was but they wanted to know me and be seen with me. It was like an aloe bath after a really bad burn, and I wallowed.

Those years were some of the most productive and enjoyable years of my life. I was always busy. I always had somewhere to be with somebody. I was a well-known face around the school and, if I wasn’t at all popular, I wasn’t unpopular either. I had an agenda that had nothing to do with that podunk town and a lot of people there knew it. Meanwhile, during those years I met a lot of people that I’d look back on with incredible fondness.⁽¹⁾

I get a lump in my chest just thinking about it. I don’t remember the high school fondly, per say, but the experiences I had and the people I ran with and the crazy, fun things that I did… I miss those. Sometimes I sit up at night and miss that feeling of belonging in my work. I miss that feeling of inside jokes and screaming laughter and singing much too loud in public spaces and all the things that you get to do when you’re a stupid teenager with too much time on your hands.

All too soon I was 17 and it was time to head off to college. I auditioned for Julliard, NYU, DePaul University and Ohio University. After receiving my rejection letter from Julliard with everyone else, I found that I was accepted to the other three.

However, when I’d auditioned at NYU the people in the hallways were unbearably snooty. People openly laughed at the auditioners. There was an air of ‘better than you’ that permeated everything and, honestly, I couldn’t be bothered. In contrast my DePaul experience was an easygoing time. The morning after I auditioned I walked into the cafe and two different tables full of people called my name and tried to wave me over. What I didn’t know at the time was that I was experiencing Chicago, not just DePaul. Chicago is like that. At the time it was welcoming and friendly and exactly where I wanted to be.

It didn’t hurt that the Theatre School Conservatory was top in the country at the time, or that I could go through a conservatory program but still get a degree from the university itself. I thought it would be the best of both worlds.

DePaul was the best of both worlds and also the worst. My college career was an interesting four years and my head hurts just getting this far. DePaul and the four years of insanity will have to wait until the next installment.

The Next Installment

⁽¹⁾People I Remember Fondly from High School (in the hopes that they sometimes google themselves and might stop by):